Weight Loss

I haven't said much about this yet, but it's starting to edge into the area of concern.

Looks like I lost just over 100 lbs. in the past month. At that rate, I estimate I have just a bit over two more months before I achieve negative mass and float off into space of my own volition.

In all seriousness, I have no appetite for food, I'm sure I consume a total mass of medicines greater or at least equal to all of my daily foodstuff intake, and nothing seems to appeal to me. I have a chronic nausea owing to migraine that turns my stomach at the mere sight of most food. Things that used to make my mouth drool in anticipation now send me vomiting.

Am I anorexic? I really don't understand what that means.

I thought the term referred to one who saw his body as disproportionately fat, and found the idea of eating distasteful. I like eating, it just makes me immediately sick to my stomach with any significant quantity. And not even consistently. Every once in a while, when my headache remits, I can eat a normal helping of food without feeling nauseous. So I have no consistent revulsion for food. And I have developed no binging or purging bulimic habits, though there is the distinctive problem with reflux and chronic sore throat. I am constantly feeling like I want to vomit. Sometimes, the impulse is very strong. I don't like to vomit, and I repress it with every fibre of my might. But I get many near-misses, where I contain a small amount and quickly swallow it. Thus the sore throat and reflux problem, in spite of medications that are supposed to be remedying this.

What works for me

Everyone needs to adopt their own coping strategies to deal with life's challenges.

My approach to "weight loss" - I don't care. How much I weigh doesn't matter at all. Weighing myself is a silly idea anyway. I don't need a scale to tell me what I already know. Being too fat is the problem.

To me, "weight loss" is a destructive idea. I think it is a euphemism invented to excuse us from too much fat. As far as I'm concerned, I mostly get there from lack of sufficient exercise. Working hard at physically strenuous activities keeps me in fairly good shape. If I'm active enough I can eat whatever makes me happy without laying on too much fat.

I decided some time back that the size of my trousers is the best measure of fitness or fatness. If my size 40 trousers fit, I'm doing okay. If they fall off without a pretty good belt cinch, then I'm even better. If I have a hard time getting them on, I'm headed in the wrong direction.

Way back when I was in high school I had the same standard. It worked pretty well then. I got away from the idea for a while, and it seemed like all my trousers suddenly bloated up to 46 or 48. At that point, everything was wrong. I couldn't bend over to tie my shoes without passing out. It took longer and longer belts to reach around my fat body. Trouser legs started looking like they were made for an elephant. I could not do the physically active things I wanted to do, for fun, because it was just too taxing, too tiring, too painful. It was just no fun, being so fat.

It was pretty hard to get back from that point. Maybe my venture into non compos mentis was good therapy. Gross fatness is always a threat, and I've gone back and forth, back and forth, somewhere between 200 and 400 pounds, many times.

But it seems okay now. I have a pretty good handle on controlling my own indulgence and indolence. All I need to do is think about struggling to button up a pair of size 48 trousers, and I'm motivated to find something to keep me fit.

And I think life is just more fun if I can walk around the block when I want to.

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31).