Life is tough.Nothing can be more difficult than what I have experienced in the past year. I can say this from my own subjective point of view. But that is my basis for judgment.
Good thing it is that I can only describe the experiences in words. You do not want to go there yourself, take my assurance.
In any case, we do not have the prerogative to determine the limits or bounds of our own lifetime, except under the most extraordinary circumstances. God knows and manages these parameters. When it is my time for the end of life, I will be summoned, and I will go.
Until that day, I stay in the race...
Next instalment: Living Notes 2
7 comments:
One of the things in my curiosity bank is a question about the future -- MY future. I anticipate standing before the judgment of God, and accounting for all my deeds. They don't amount to very much thats good, I'm afraid. I hope lengthening my sojourn gets me a bit more credit.
I hope.
Jim -
I think that's a fear we all have. As I review the deeds in my life, I fear I am left wanting. I am grateful, then, for a merciful Father who will judge based not only on our actions but on our intents. That's why it's vital for God to know our thoughts so that He can make an accurate determination of our ultimate worthiness.
For what it's worth, I think you're all right. I believe I know your heart to an extent, and what I have seen is good and worthy. Can a bitter fountain bring forth good water? You're not a bitter fountain.
Bill,
What you see in others reflects your own charitable nature. I know myself better than anyone. I am a pretty mixed-up character -- though I would certainly like to be the best I can be, usually I'm not anywhere near. Not very satisfying, looking back to a long life of failed efforts. I can hope for some credit for trying.
Though I must say, in the last year, more people have come forward with good words of praise and encouragement that I ever thought even knew my name. I guess I have done a couple of things right, if only just by accident.
You were an amazing uncle and friend to me ... if that counts for anything. I hope it does...
Brian,
You know that count for everything. I depend on the love of others to sustain me. Whether or not we deserve it, we all need others to love, and to return love to. The purpose for living is obscure and convoluted otherwise. This is the only point that is plain and clear.
Brian,
I have learned too that friends and loved ones are forever, even unseen and unspoken, from far off. Many people I have lost from recollection that come betimes to visit or chat, and their visit serves to stir my dim memory -- This is a Friend of mine! It is exciting and frustrating to meet folks that I should remember, but don't. They're still friends, regardless, and will ever be.
Some day all such matters will be recalled. Today my memories are imperfect, and getting progressively worse. I hope my recollection of friends comes back in full, because that is one thing I treasure most.
Ah Jim ,what would I do without you and your good cheer and inteligence.You have added so much to so many peoples lives.Even when you were a little toddler the neighbor girls would come over to play with you and hold you on thier lap on the swing in the back yard.You would laugh and laugh.They would hold your little face and say" JIMMY, YOU ARE SO CUTE!"Everyone who ever knew you ,loved you. So cheer up and take care of your Dad while I am not home.You are doing better than you think.Love Mom
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