Memorial: They also serve who only stand and wait

 On His Blindness

When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.

John Milton

Hey, BEB!

That is, benign essential blepharospasm. An inexplicable tic in eyelid muscle causes effectual blindness while the twitch lasts. With me, sometimes minutes, sometimes hours.

I have experienced many episodes throughout my adult life, but like the migraine experience, thought I was just supposed to endure it in sillent suffering. It always went away -- eventually -- after taking a fearful toll on me.

I was afraid all kinds of things of things were wrong with my eyes.

My computer programming skills were so visually oriented, the very thought of compromised eyesight caused me to fear greatly, and was one of the chief problems leading to divorce and suicidal ideation in 1994. My ex-wife never comprehended that fear -- she was outfitted with glasses since grade school. For me, just the threat was a major personal crises, and she tossed it off as more or less casual, or so it seemed to me at the time. As I have asserted at other times and other places, however, my sorrows remain my own. Only the Savior can truly share them.