Rehab progress 32

What is commonplace about establishing a routine when nothing is routine? I find myself struggling in another round of rehabilitation effort, which is discouraging. To keep starting over again at a point I have surpassed before makes it all seem somewhat futile. Imagine learning the alphabet again and again, only to forget and be forced to start training over again at some fundamental that you know very well was easily surpassed in previous performances.

But I can´t know that. If I had spent the time idly laying around, I have no idea what level of performance my mental or physical state would be, to say nothing of other considerations. Exertion is good for the soul, if no other benefits accrue. I suppose that must be as true in my case as it is for any other. I hold myself as unremarkable in every respect.

This week in PT sessions, I am working to maintain the half-mile in ten minute pace on the treadmill and 2 miles in ten minutes on the stationary bike. That is about the same level I could reach last March and September. Setbacks have pushed me back, but I am determined that keeping on is the only course for me. I will not quit. Ultimately I want to set the pace to cover 3 miles in 40 minutes on the treadmill, which is where I was last July and October. I´ll keep at it.

The norm for me seems to be to have another brain attack every six to twelve weeks. They vary in severity. Clearly, I will keep having them, unless something changes in the conditions that are causing them. And that is not likely. The real questions I am left with: Exactly when the next will occur, and how severe will it be? It seems only time -- and heaven -- can answer.

Rehab progress 31

Have not written any updates about rehab progress in many months.

Most of the time has been spent struggling to stay in one place. Treadmills are like that.

I think I have sustained two minor ischemic attack incidents since December. One just after I was released from the University Hospital. And more recently, in April.

Dr. Butrum at the UVRMC says the MRI showed no signs. But the neurological deficits show up, and are persistent. If the symptoms were of very short term, as the aphasia, a TIA might be indicated. But my problem with foot drag persists for days and weeks. My right foot continues to lag behind the rest of me, and my right hand is still weaker, more than 15 days since the symptoms appeared. Dr. Hyatt, the family practice physician, agrees that this is indicative of new stroke damage, albeit very minor, and similar to that previously sustained and partially recovered from. Sigh. More ground to cover once again.

Oh well. Some of my blog readers expressed high hopes that I would die at the last hospitalization. I am uncertain of their reasoning -- I suppose because they think they are indebted to me, and if I die, they won´t have to pay the debt. Might be sound wisdom there. If so, sorry to disappoint, but I lived.

In any event, I forgive the ill-wishers their malice and their debts. I do not want their evil intentions aimed at me, nor do I want their money. Thanks anyway.

I have been coasting at my Physical Therapy sessions, but am planning to work harder on balance and equilibrium this week. If I can make it through a week without falling down, it will be an encouraging sign. Hope for the best.

Come what may -- and LOVE it!

Rehab progress 4

I am working daily at the most rudimentary exercises. It seems like child's play compared to what I could do before, but I do strain to the utmost to accomplish so little today. It is frustrating in the extreme to be making such slow progress. I feel trapped in a recalcitrant and cranky body.

My brain seems to range far ahead. I think of what I want to say a long time before I can speak it. It is like being constrained to slow motion, while recording everything at full speed. I feel so stupid when I try to speak. I am really not trying to attract any sympathy, but I am afraid I look so pathetic, people feel like I need it.

Please be encouraging, but not overly sympathetic. I need time and support to recover myself, not more weeping and wailing. Those I can take care of myself, thank you very much.