Time for the next chapter. After listening to spiritual promptings to call my long lost father, then having some good telephone conversations, and a positive first meeting, we were off to a promising start. We also made some ground rules to add a solid foundation to our relationship.
Following the initial leap of faith, and re-constructing a bond of mutual trust, love, and respect, it was time to move forward to another step of progress. Since you can't have much real privacy in a restaurant, due to time constraints, ordering and eating food, visits from the waiter/waitress, and the overall dull roar, the best choice is visiting at home. We made arrangements to come to hideaway valley to visit at my grandparents home.
Just finding their' home for the first time was a bit of an adventure. They live off the beaten path to say the least. Not to mention this was early December, and the threat of a blizzard is very real, considering the elevation of their' home is about 6500 ft. Of course, having lived in Alaska for two years, there's not going to be anything I haven't seen or dealt with before.
It is also worth noting, that cell phone service is basically unavailable once you leave Spanish Fork and head down US 6, and then onto US 89. We circumvented this issue by calling when we were about an hour away, and having my dad meet us by the highway to lead us the rest of the way. We made our way down, despite some snow and wind, until we saw my dad waiting in his' trusty old Toyota 4runner. He warned that the roads were really bad, but I assured him that as long as the road was wide enough, my 4x4 Dodge Ram will do just fine. Despite nearly a foot of mostly unplowed roads, we made it with no trouble at all.
Wow! The place sure had changed since I saw it last. They were just building it back in '93 and now it is finished and very nice. It's two stories tall, yellow with a black roof. My grandma likes yellow. On the main floor is a kitchen and dining room on the east side, and the master bedroom and great room to the west side. There is an amazing stone fireplace with a pot belly stove, used to heat the whole house. Upstairs is two more large bedrooms, and storage space. The front and back porches are great too, the are covered and run the length of the home. Close to the home, is a garage, half of which has been converted to an apartment where my dad lives.
We had another excellent visit, and made plans to attend the family Christmas party. The party was held at the Lds meeting house on Canyon road in Provo, near to my uncle Carl's home. At the party, I saw a lot of people that we had not seen in a long time. Now, it's been while, but I do remember seeing Carl and Cindy and their' kids, also Darren and Ruth and their' kids, as well as Rick and Beth and their' kids. Of course my dad and grandparents were there as well. It was a fun time, despite the fact that the church felt as warm as a glacier! Oh well. There were a few other people there as well, but I don't recall who they were.
Over the next few months, we visited both in hideaway valley, and a few restaurants in Utah county. We hosted them at my in-laws place in West Jordan, simply because it is much larger than our home. There was a brief pause in our relationship when my dad and his' friend Ricky started a work project in Milford Flats, and his' parents went on a trip to Minnesota. My dad was also quite busy doing firefighter training and serving as ward clerk and with the cub scouts.
Not that we had any problems, just a busy time in life. Well, that's it for chapter three.
Next instalment: New Developments
Showing posts with label reunion story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reunion story. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Reunion part 2
Well, here I am again. I've decided to continue blogging on this site, as long as my time and effort are not wasted or disrespected. Some may wonder what's the issue, so here is a brief explanation: I know this site is controlled by my dad, and he acts as the moderator. I am just a guest blogger and that is all I desire to be at this time. I also know mistakes happen, so this is not an anger issue, just frustration. To cut to the chase, I made a lengthy and totally appropriate blog about forgiveness and responsibility, in response to a blog on this site. I spent several hours to make it, and I successfully posted it as a comment. A short while later, the original blog was taken down and my comment was deleted! I was quite disappointed and frustrated to say the least. Now again, this isn't my blog site and people make mistakes, but be it known that I won't continue to participate if this becomes a re-occurring problem. Enough said.
Moving on, I will now continue to recount my reunion with my dad. Now, as previously stated, it came as a major surprise to my wife that I chose to contact my father, but it was a total shock to my dad and his' parents. He was living with them at the time I called and still is. I actually made several attempts to call, before success could be achieved.
Finally, the day came when the call was answered! My grandmother, Mary Cobabe answered the call with a cheerful "Hello, how can I help you?" To her utter astonishment and joy I responded something to the extent of "Hi, this is your grandson, Rob. I would like to speak to my dad, does he live there?" She then explained that herself, grandpa and my dad had been praying for almost ten years that either myself or one of my brothers would call and reestablish contact. After a brief chat, she called for my dad to hurry and answer the phone.
My last real conversation with my dad was in the food court of the ZCMI mall in Salt Lake. That was in Sept. 1998. It was not a fun time at all, I mean how real can a conversation be with a lawyer as a moderator. No offence to lawyers, but it was a strained conversation to say the least.
Anyways, on a lighter note, the telephone conversation was both very positive and long winded.
Of course, we did have a lot of catching up to do! During the course of the conversation, we agreed to meet for dinner at the Provo sizzler. On the appointed day and time, our long dead relationship was resurrected.
My initial reaction was one of happiness, and surprise. My dad looked almost the same, just no beard and some gray hair. My grandparents, no offence intended, looked a lot older than I had expected. As I would later discover, the had suffered a lot of stress and grief, not to mention some serious health issues. Although tired and worn physically, they were and are just as sharp and attentive as always. We all had an excellent experience and agreed to see one another at much shorter intervals!
One thing I tried to make clear was that I wanted to have a relationship that was positive and uplifting. In that spirit, I established a few guidelines to help us achieve that goal:
1. The fact that almost a decade had passed, and that we should concentrate on our current relationship, and not waste time and energy re-hashing what went wrong in our past.
2. The fact that my parents divorce was an issue between them, and I have no interest in discussing the subject.
3.The fact that I both want and deserve to have healthy and happy relationships with both my parents, and that I will not put up with either one making negative or hurtful comments about the other. I refuse to pick sides or play favorites, I love them both equally, and know that they love me and my brothers. Like anyone they both have strengths and weaknesses, but I choose to focus on the positive.
4. The fact that my brothers are adults, and if they want to have a relationship with our father and his' extended family, then they can make that choice for themselves. I would provide them the opportunity to accompany my wife and I to various activities, but emphasized it needs to be their idea, not just mine.
With these simple guidelines in place, we were able to move forward with a great new lease on our relationship, and hopefully it will never expire. Well, that's enough for chapter two.
Next instalment: Reunion III
Moving on, I will now continue to recount my reunion with my dad. Now, as previously stated, it came as a major surprise to my wife that I chose to contact my father, but it was a total shock to my dad and his' parents. He was living with them at the time I called and still is. I actually made several attempts to call, before success could be achieved.
Finally, the day came when the call was answered! My grandmother, Mary Cobabe answered the call with a cheerful "Hello, how can I help you?" To her utter astonishment and joy I responded something to the extent of "Hi, this is your grandson, Rob. I would like to speak to my dad, does he live there?" She then explained that herself, grandpa and my dad had been praying for almost ten years that either myself or one of my brothers would call and reestablish contact. After a brief chat, she called for my dad to hurry and answer the phone.
My last real conversation with my dad was in the food court of the ZCMI mall in Salt Lake. That was in Sept. 1998. It was not a fun time at all, I mean how real can a conversation be with a lawyer as a moderator. No offence to lawyers, but it was a strained conversation to say the least.
Anyways, on a lighter note, the telephone conversation was both very positive and long winded.
Of course, we did have a lot of catching up to do! During the course of the conversation, we agreed to meet for dinner at the Provo sizzler. On the appointed day and time, our long dead relationship was resurrected.
My initial reaction was one of happiness, and surprise. My dad looked almost the same, just no beard and some gray hair. My grandparents, no offence intended, looked a lot older than I had expected. As I would later discover, the had suffered a lot of stress and grief, not to mention some serious health issues. Although tired and worn physically, they were and are just as sharp and attentive as always. We all had an excellent experience and agreed to see one another at much shorter intervals!
One thing I tried to make clear was that I wanted to have a relationship that was positive and uplifting. In that spirit, I established a few guidelines to help us achieve that goal:
1. The fact that almost a decade had passed, and that we should concentrate on our current relationship, and not waste time and energy re-hashing what went wrong in our past.
2. The fact that my parents divorce was an issue between them, and I have no interest in discussing the subject.
3.The fact that I both want and deserve to have healthy and happy relationships with both my parents, and that I will not put up with either one making negative or hurtful comments about the other. I refuse to pick sides or play favorites, I love them both equally, and know that they love me and my brothers. Like anyone they both have strengths and weaknesses, but I choose to focus on the positive.
4. The fact that my brothers are adults, and if they want to have a relationship with our father and his' extended family, then they can make that choice for themselves. I would provide them the opportunity to accompany my wife and I to various activities, but emphasized it needs to be their idea, not just mine.
With these simple guidelines in place, we were able to move forward with a great new lease on our relationship, and hopefully it will never expire. Well, that's enough for chapter two.
Next instalment: Reunion III
Friday, April 03, 2009
The Reunion
Well, I guess since Sarah went first, then I get to go second. That has been my lot in life so far- why change now? Going second is often the only option for the second child, especially in age related matters, like going to school or going on a LDS mission. It's really not that bad of a deal, since parents get the chance to learn from all the mistakes they made with the first child!
So, many people looking at this blog, are now wondering who I am. My name is Rob Thomas, the second oldest son of the blog owner, Jim Cobabe. My dad asked me to start posting a short while ago and here I am. At this point, I don't know how much or how often that I will post, but just like any journey, be it short or lengthy, it all begins with the first step.
My current journey with my dad started in Nov. 2007. We had not seen each other since Sept. 1998! The reunion came about in surprising fashion. One day, out of the clear blue, a thought came to my mind- call your dad on the phone! Now that posed several difficult questions:
1. What is my dad's phone number?
2.Where does he currently live?
3. Will he even want to talk to me?
The first two questions were easy enough to answer, all I had to do was Google it. As for the final question, there was only one way to know, call him and find out! Now, that sounds pretty easy, and from a physical and technological standpoint, it is. However, from a psychological viewpoint, it's something else entirely. After a few weeks of consideration and not be able to dismiss the thought of calling, it came time for a leap of faith.
On a side note, I only discussed this idea with my lovely wife, Stacy. She is a wonderful woman, and we have been married for a little over 2 years. She was quite surprised when I told her what I had been thinking about, and admittedly curious about "the other side" of the family. She offered her full support either way, but insisted that the choice was mine and mine alone to make. After all, he was my father, not hers and the impression to call him had come only to me.
Ultimately, the choice to call was made, and the rest is history. I will continue to rely the experience in detail on later posts, that is if anyone wants to hear it! Well, I have work early tomorrow, so that's it for today.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Next instalment: Reunion II
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