Today in the shower, the fingertips of my left hand are beginning to lose tactile sensation. They still feel pressure. Sensation is not absent.
This sensation deficit is peculiar, because in other cases I can remember, the sensation loss is signalled by a tingling or some other warning. There was no warning here -- simply absent any feeling at all, suddenly, like the plug has been pulled.
I thought this artists picture was intriguing, because my neurosurgeon cut me open just about exactly where the doppler waves seem to be emanating from, at least judging by the scar on my back. I think the took out some of the baby back ribs, or something. Maybe not, I guess thats really not the kind they serve at Chili's anyway.
Oh, well.
12 comments:
This picture is better than the rats. I was just about to get you a rat terrier to help you out with that problem.
Patricia,
I apologize for my psychotic outbursts. I am ashamed that anyone took notice.
Everyone has things inside that no one else should see. Please ignore if you can.
Thanks.
OK.
But no need to feel ashamed.
Jim -
Whatever is inside you is just what is. That sounds so silly, but you know what I mean. We love you no matter what. Come what may, and love it. Or come what may, and love you.
No worries, ok?
Love,
Me
Ruth,
I was just trying to explain this to several other people today. It is very simple, really.
I am not ashamed of the fact that I have personal weakness, or that other people know that. For anyone who knows me in more than a most superficial way, it is quite obvious. The thing that is shameful is burdening people who are not personally able to involve themselves in a meaningful way in the personal intimate details of my life. They don't have any need to know. It is irrelevant and tedious to put such drivel on my web site.
At least, that was my second thought.
At any rate, thank you always for being willing to stand behind me.
Good luck with the headache specialist. Perhaps it will be a happy birthday experience. I'll be thinking of you all day.
Love, Mary
Jim, on my walk today I thought about you a lot.
If you don't mind, I'd like to say something about your psychotic outbursts. If you do mind, well, you can toss this comment in the trash can.
I respect and admire the "It's nobody's business" (as far as those who can't know you are concerned) stance that you take toward these incidents. I think that's perfectly right. If you never had another episode, I would take that as a very good thing.
But just so you know, I find these moments meaningful, because they offer me a kind of insight I might not otherwise receive. They could prove very important to me down the road. I think that even now they're helping me see some things I need to see.
I was wondering today as I walked: How has having the adventures in and exposure to nature helped Jim maintain his life? How has it affected his mental health?
I wonder because there's a kind of vitality in your nature posts that's different from the vitality of your other posts. I also wonder because I believe my early and near complete immersion into nature while I was young had helped me keep my sanity--mostly--through the really hard times.
I guess another way to look at it is that I credit my life with nature (along with other aspects of my spiritual life, like the vitalizing truths scripture and devotion reveal) with charging up my batteries so that when I had to do the hard, isolating, long-term work, going without recharging for years, I made it through (more or less).
Maybe you could post on these questions?
Jim, I just noticed Mary's comment about your birthday. Mine was yesterday, the 19th. Are we both Pices(es)?
Whatever the case, looks like I owe you a belated happy birthday.
Patricia,
Yes, Feb 19,1953.
Thurday, I celebrated by visiting the Moran Cilnics Dr. Digre at the U Hosspital. She is such an accomplished and notable person at getting inside weird problems, she was able to make a definitive diagnosis, and a very good one, within hours. It was another miracle in the making, I'm very hopeful. More on those developments pending.
Great news re: your headaches. I await hopefully further word.
I think it's really cool you and I have the same birth-day (if not in the same year).
What are the odds of that?
So I have had terrible headaches for years. Ever since I can remember, really. I have tried many different things to help, but the only thing that really seems to help is to limit my TV watching. I can only stand to watch two or three hours per week. Posture adjustments, drinking water, meals - they all seem to play a small part. But the single biggest factor seems to be the TV viewing. My LCD monitors don't seem to bother me much, but the regular old CRT would until I changed the refresh rate to around 100. The combination of the flourescent lights' flicker and the CRT flicker seemed to be a big precursor for these headaches...
These headaches used to wake me up at two or three in the morning in a sweat and make me want to die. I would end up throwing up (and can I say that throwing up while in the throws of one of these headaches is pure hell). Then I would usually feel better... Now when I start to feel a headache coming on I take about 6 ibuprofen and take it easy for about 1/2 an hour. Strangely, reading does not seem to exacerbate the problem, only TV...
Bill,
Everything about migraines is strange. Throw away all the normal expectations and rules and even doctor behavior. When you go to a headache doctor, don't be shocked if they put on an amulet of shrunken heads and shake rattlesnake rattles over you. It is a very mysterious discipline, and a complex problem, to try getting inside of your head.
The point is some doctors are trying, and making progress. You no longer need suffer by yourself through those bouts where you must bury your head beneath the pillow in agony and wait to vomit. The right doctor can help you find relief. It is no sign of macho to suffer in silence, and it is certainly not a proper thing to impose on any of our children. Get some help from the right doctor -- if you can't find the right doc who knows headache stuff, teach 'em yourself. Fix the problem, now. Don't put up with it one day longer.
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