Psychosis

I woke up this morning in a sweat, worrying about a small donkey that somehow shas secretly hidden itself in my dad's house. It is not a very big threat, because I think the creature is quite small, I'm not sure the exact stature. He is constructed of something like paper. Perhaps even made by one of the grandchildren at play on thier many previous visits.

Anyway, this paper animal now lurks upstairs in my dad's house. He is endangering my parents in some way because they aren't aware of him and are not defensively prepared. I will move my quarters into the main house immediately, and stand guard, so that nothing happens. I don't know what this creature is trying to do.

I also recognize that he isn't real, but I must satisfy very real fears. Right Now!

Shark Attacks

Just a quick note for my friends.

There are still some sharks in the water, I fear. I do not know or care if these attacks are caused by something I am doing to myself purposefully or not. I can only say it can be so painful in intensity that I cannot bear it, and I scream from the agony. Usually attacks of this intensity are very short, or they seem so to me. In any case, I pass out very quickly after the pain really winds up, so I'm not sure what happens after the screaming phase. Ruth's characterization seem fairly consistent.

I have been with my dad most of the time today. He reports only two shark attacks, one that was moderate and one pretty severe. I hope with every wish that they go away forever.

I have several broken teeth broken along the right lower molars now. They have sharp edges that cut my tongue and the side of my mouth when I am not careful. I am seeing a dentist this week, but am reluctant to get any repairs before I am sure the sharks will not return. Maybe will just ask for some sort of protective mouth gear.

Brief Interjection

I see from sitemeter that lots of people are following and reading my posts.

I apologize for the lack of order and organization. I would like to offer you something better, but at the moment, this is the best I can muster. Right now, I need to take a break for a short nap. I'm sorry, but I am very feeble, and even this simple operation is taxing. I don't do such a good job when I get tired, and I grind down to a virtual halt.

Please be patient. I'll do the best I can.

Thanks to all.

Miracles II: Handicapped

After the July stroke things seemed to settle down into a routine of rehab. I hated the inpatient treatment so badly in the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. I don't know what happened there , except the one incident when I peed the bed, and the nurse called me a fat pig, and accused me of doing it on purpose.

 I’ve already written about this experience. Suffice it to say that my only thought at that moment was to get out of that hospital as quick as I could.


Several other misadventures as I returned home, refusing to acknowledge my handicapped status. I recall the shame I felt when I slipped getting out of the shower, and fell and broke the toilet into a thousand bits of china.

Just imagine the ludicrous picture of a fat beached whale of a fat helpless old man with a broken butt wriggling helplessly and sobbing out loud, soaking wet from the shower and surrounded with the ruins of the broken toilet strewn across the floor.

It took me a long time just to stand up, and I was so upset that I had to tell my mom and dad that I had broken the toilet into little pieces. and probably broke my butt too.

The broken commode was streaming water all over the floor. I got dressed, finally, and confessed to the folks tearfully, blubbering like a baby. My parents tried to make light of the incident, and dad cleaned up the mess. We went to Home Depot and bought a new toilet that dad installed.

What a mess!

Next instalment:  Visiting My Doctor

Miracles I: Chronicles

I must write down a record of the most amazing series of events I have ever experienced or heard about. I still cannot believe all these these things really happened to me. I have been having psychotic delusions as well, so take this testimony for what it is worth. In my defence, I will say that I am among the most scrupulously honest persons I know of as a life-long habit. I will always be truthful, even when it costs me personally or is painful.

It's going to take a lot of writing to get this story all down, so I will serialize it into short instalments and intersperse with other things that come up in the mean time.

I should like to start, I think, with a bit of background. I first had a stroke back in July last year. I remember not feeling well, so I was thinking that a bit of vigorous exercise was what I needed to make me feel better.

We had a stack of spruce tree rounds that we bought from the local sawmill. Most of them were huge -- over 40" in diameter and 100 pounds in weight. I was swinging a heavy maul to split the rounds into sections small enough to fit into the stove.

While I was swinging the maul, someone came up from behind and hit me over the head with a 4x4. Or anyway, that's what it felt like. It staggered me, and as I fell to my knees, I looked to see who had hit me.

As I recall, this was the first of a series of incidents my sister and I later decided to call "shark attacks". After the initial attack, I recovered on wobbly legs enough to stagger over to the porch of the house, where my dad was sitting in the shade. I tried to speak to him and explain that "my legs are all unhinged" but was only able to mumble some unintelligible sounds.

After a long period of recovery, we went to dinner together in Mt Pleasant. I suffered no ill effects at the time, other than continuing generally feeling poorly, but I drove to the food place and home. That night, I had the first stroke in my sleep some time, and when I woke up next morning, most of my right side was paralyzed, what the doctors call "hemiparesis".

In retrospect, I understand now that what I initially experienced, the "shark attack" was NOT a stroke or a mini-stroke, a TIA, or anything normally related to a stroke. My assumption that this was the case has led to endless confusion and miscommunication between myself and doctors, resulting in a great deal of needless misunderstanding and distrust on both our parts. I apologize for the terrible miscue. It was my mistake, I take full responsibility.

Next instalment:  Handicapped

Sensory inventory IV

The sensory map is getting really interesting features. Today in the shower, I noted new sensory deficits on my face, around the skin that surrounds my eyes and over my nose. This is a totally new area for lack of sensation. It begins to feel kind of similar to the skin of my belly, which resembles a leather bag. I received anti-coagulant heparin injections daily in the hospital, in the fat area of my belly, and I could only tell when the nurse was applying the cold alcohol swab. I had to ask them to tell me when they completed the injection. They said most patients complained that it was painful and traumatic.

My feet are also withdrawing into la-la land. When I woke from neurosurgery, my left foot felt like a wood block from toes to heel. It has not changed. Now the toes of my right foot are beginning to lose sensation also. More may develop.

In addition, The skin on the back side of my fingers and hands has lost sense of temperature. I noted this testing the shower water.

Seems as though things are changing very quickly. I'll try to keep up. Thanks to those who are following.

Home again, thank God

My heart is so full, I am as happy as can be with life right now. I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and been given a reprieve to set affairs in my life in order before I report to to master of heaven and earth. I know now that my time is short. I will try to elaborate in future posts. I must also tell of miraculous events that have given great new meaning to my continuing existence, purpose for prolonging my days. I am truly anxious -- nay, fearful in anticipation that I might get it wrong again. I think the time is far spent. I am In fear and trembling. There is some great task that I am left to do - - I don't know what it is, but much sense of urgency, like I never had In my life.

More to come. Sorry for long absent.

Hospital Update

If you click on the title above, it will take you to Jim's sister's blog. I'm Ruth, Jim's youngest sister. He is in a special room with telemetry, and sometimes he can't use his computer. The rest of the time he doesn't have the presence of mind to do so. He loves you all, and wants you all to keep apprised of his situation, so I've posted a lengthy blog regarding his condition. If you will follow the link to my blogspot - 9ofnine (I'm the youngest of 9 in our family), you'll get a comprehensive update. I'll also try to keep things up to date as often as I can, and I'll relay any messages you leave to Jim. He'll love any notes of encouragement you leave for him.

Cold

Near as cold as it ever gets in these parts. Temp read -15 F this morning.

I've always wondered why my nose has all those little hairs. They tend to freeze up and stick together when the air is so cold. That how I can tell it is real cold. Otherwise just make a job harder for the Kleenex.

Poor design feature, I think. ;-)

Stroke III

More stroke damage.

Hard to speak.

Not walking good.

Confusing...

Don't really know what to do now. Mostly stay in bed. Will update when feeling better.