Visiting with Friends

John Redelfs and his sweet wife Esperanza joined my parents and I for dinner this week while the Redelfs were in town for General Conference. It was a surprise to me that they came to visit, and a memorable event.

It is truly gratifying to have such fine friends, and to be known by such good people. Thank you, John and Esperanza.

October 2008 General Conference

Once again, we have the opportunity to sit at the feet of prophets and inspired men of God, to hear inspired words of counsel for our day.

Today seems like an even more crucial moment than any day in the recent past. Perhaps words of advice will be the key for preserving us from impending disaster. Let us hope so.


I do.

Questions about Pride

I do not understand warnings from church leaders regarding pride.

To be proud of personal accomplishment is a great motivator. We attempt and accomplish much, overcome many personal challenges, because we feel some sense of pride in our ability. Is this a bad thing?

We discussed this issue briefly in Sunday school lesson this week. The lesson presents an illustration called "The Pride Cycle".


The outcome of discussion furthered my confusion.

I have even further confusion from popular usage of the term "pride" which seems to have been co opted for exclusive usage by militant homosexual groups demanding normalization and acceptance for their perverted habits. This is obvously not the "pride" I am referring to.

President Benson gave the classic speech counselling church members "Beware of Pride". But according to my understanding, he was one of the proudest men imaginable. I have heard that he favored a saying that was even written down on a plaque that he kept on his desk -- "Be right, then be nice. But first, be right." Something like that seems characteristic of a very proud man. Apparently, Benson was considered stubborn and intractable by many.

I don't know. I think he was a man of strong convictions. But I am confused about how to distinguish between firm, unshakeable faith and overwhelming personal pride. As far as I can judge, it amounts to very nearly the same thing.

The cats came back...

My sister's kids brought home some cuddly soft kitties when they were here visiting, last summer. They turned into cats, of course. So my mom ended up with a whole gang of cats that hang around -- too many for practical purpose, too many to feed, too many...

Well, she tried giving some away. It worked okay with the gray cat -- he's been gone for a long time now. So she thought the other cats would be willing candidates for adoption by some family with lots of affectionate and loving kids.

The black-and-gray striped cat went to Kimballs, nearby. That cat has been transported to a new home numerous times, accompanied by generous supply of cat provisions. It keeps coming back. Won't stay away.

Today we spotted the little black cat, returned. So now the full compelment of cats has returned. The only one that has stayed adopted is the dirty gray-white cat that moved up the mountain to Annette Grant's house a couple of years back.

Cats are notional creatures, I guess. They have a mind of their own, about where they decide to call home.

Rehab progress 13

I have been attempting, with very limited success, to engage in some of the work I used to do.

My right foot is cooperating better, but I still have balance and coordination problems with walking. Everything imaginable lays on the ground in my path, conspiring to trip me up, it seems. I have to remember to pick up my right foot on every stride. It is getting better, slowly, though I cannot tell if the improvement is due to real nerve pathway regeneration, or just through repetitive practising of what I need to do in order to move from place to place.

In any case, I am anxious to resume certain activities. I wish I was recovered enough to be more useful processing firewood, but there are some things I just cannot do. I hope to recover some of these capabilities, given the time and practice.

Life is Pain (Revisited)

I have been giving this some thought, the last day or two. For previous thoughts on this subject, see here and here.
I think there are different kinds of pain and suffering we can experience. Some of it can be useful and instructive, some is not.

There is no good reason for me or anyone else to suffer from prolonged physical pain. If you are hurting, please, get some relief. Take some drugs to control the pain, find out why it hurts, and correct the physical problems that are causing it. There is no reason for anyone to endure physical pain and discomfort because of some problem that can be healed. If it is a chronic condition, there are ways of dealing with that too.

I have heard that doctors are generally too reluctant to prescribe pain-killers, even when the cause of the problem has been determined and treated. This is wrong-headed and counter-productive. People that have pain should get drugs that relieve their pain. They don't need to suffer in silence to prove how strong they are, or for any other reason.

These days, I have chronic pain to remind me that life is precarious and fragile. I forgot that for a while, and was hurt as a result. I already learned my lesson -- there is no need for any further reminder. So, when I hurt, I take tylenol or ibuprofin, or something to make the pain go away. I have already been sufficiently instructed, and now this superfluous hurting just interferes with normal function. I don't need any more of this particular pain.

Of course, there are other kinds of pain and suffering. Perhaps they are useful, but sometimes I know it is as destructive and counter-productive as other kinds of pain that we can block with analgesics. Perhaps this kind of suffering can be good for the soul, but I think there are practical limits that should not be exceeded. Mental and spiritual suffering can be more painful than the thorn in my side that I deal with all the time right now. Those hurts need salve just as badly. A different prescription is needed.

Rehab progress 12

Chainsaws save me a lot of work. I could never get the work done without the proper tools.

This morning I started the Husqvarna chainsaw and sawed up a half trailer full of timber for firewood. It gives a lot of satisfaction to know that we have enough wood to keep us warm through the winter.

Things did not go so well at the rehab center this morning. I tried to do the full workout, but had to quit because I got dizzy.

Physical work is the road to recovery. The physical therapist, Ben, told me today that people take months to recover. I have been hoping to get better more rapidly, but I guess it is not going to happen. I thought, this condition came upon me so suddenly. One morning I just woke up this way. Maybe I can recover just as abruptly. Well, it seems it will not happen that way.

Apparently it is common for people to regain some function after a year or more. I am considering a long vacation in the mean time, because I certainly do not want to be stuck this way for that long.

Why not a faster recovery? I do not know. I am trying my utmost. I work hard at exercise, but it seems like gains are very slow in coming.

I asked Ben about the problem I have had with losing bowel control. He said it is probably a result of poor muscle strength, and persisting through the physical therapy will help that. At least he knows that it worries me. He was understanding of my concerns, and asserted his continued support. Nice to have people who are supportive and strong, when I am so dependant. Thanks, Ben. Much appreciated.

Rehab progress 11

Things I remember doing with ease, that are so difficult now -- or impossible.

Putting on my own shoes. I did some work with the rehab guys on this. The right foot pushes away the shoe when I try to get my toes to go into the shoe. Then the shoe will skitter away, or tip ever sideways, or the heel of the shoe will fold up so I cannot get my foot in properly without removing my foot and starting over. Richard at UVRMC rehab gave me a long shoe horn to use, and it is quite helpful (in fact, essential to this operation). I use the shoe horn to keep the shoe from tipping over while my foot is trying to worm its toes in. The shoe horn can also be useful when the heel of the shoe collapses -- I can work it into the back, pry up the back of the shoe, eliminating the need to remove the shoe and start all over again.

I look at my heavy boots with the greatest disgust and discouragement. They are simply impossible. I cannot get that right foot in. I have had several prolonged sessions that finally resulted in my abandonment of the boots, after fifteen minutes or a half-hour of cursing and struggles.

Sandals from Cabellas that use velcro closures are a blessing from heaven. I have saved much profanation and sweating, thanks to these easy-to-don sandals.

Some things are beyond my current capacity.

Typing is a good example, too. I used to type at least 50 wpm in comfort. Now I am slow and laborious, and I back-space almost as much as I enter letters. It is daunting. I persist thanks to th help of a good text editor. I have been thinking of trying out the Dragon program again. I tried it out several years ago, and it was not very useful. I spent most of the time saying "delete that" in response to the words it misunderstood. Problem is, I have a problem with speaking right now that is probably just as bad as my degradation in keyboarding speed.

Oh well, life is full of frustrations.

Rehab progress 10

Today I attended church meetings all day.

The ward leadership called off Sunday School because the pump quit on the plumbing system, and there was no water. I drove my car to the church with no incident, but I felt very shaky today, so I asked Tom Fuhriman to drive down to Fairview to make the bank deposit.

My friends are all very patient with me. I feel like I am not doing things very well -- I am too slow and clumsy. But most are too kind to notice.

One teenage girl came into the clerks office today to ask for a report. She told me my slow speech was noticeable. I have tried to do better, but my words come out sounding slurry and thick, as if from a drunken man. Perhaps appropriate.


I have related my difficulty with balance, but it seems like such a fundamental and simple thing to so many. To me, keeping my balance has grown to huge priority. I am concentrating every minute to be careful not to let myself fall.

I saw a little baby that was just learning to walk a while back. The baby was wearing a thick padded diaper on its bottom, and the babe had very short legs, so he was pretty close to the ground. He would toddle along, as I watched, fall on his well-padded bottom, then bounce right back up and resume his walk. I observed his slow progress, and thought how alike and how different we are. The baby is just learning to walk. He is very unsteady, like me. He has ample padding in case of a fall, where I have not. The baby is not so ponderously heavy or tall, ,either. If I fall to the ground, it is a long ways down. I am liable to hurt my body from the great force, like a tall tree falling. The baby is built closer to the ground.

I wish I had it so easy.

Fall Colors on the Wasatch Plateau

Fall colors on the mountain are as fine as I have ever seen.

Driving up the canyon -- this week would be a good time. Next storm that comes through will knock down a lot of the spectacular colors. If you owe yourself a good time, take a drive up to the mountains to see them. Recommended!