During the time I was paralyzed one thing that bothered me enormously was that since my facial muscles were also paralyzed I couldn't smile.
Or show any other emotion. I couldn't signal anything to the people who were helping me with everything. It was another level of isolation and imprisonment. I kept thinking it would all be so much easier to bear if I could just grin about my helplessness and foolishness and give a normal human shrug of some sort.
I could talk, of course, though not fluently with minimal lip control.
I've thought a long, long time what I was supposed to learn from all that. I still don't know. Patience, I suppose. Compasssion. My littleness amid it all.
I like the fact that you're communicating a bit of what it's like--details that I wouldn't have thought of. It makes each of us less alone, I think.
I too feel imprisoned -- more and more, I cannot express thoughts that are still spinning out of my brain. My mouth has become a stupid instrument. It will no longer say what I am thinking.
As you say, I cannot tell what purpose this serves. But I grow to depend on written words, as my speaking ability is compromised more and more.
3 comments:
Excellent. Made my day!
During the time I was paralyzed one thing that bothered me enormously was that since my facial muscles were also paralyzed I couldn't smile.
Or show any other emotion. I couldn't signal anything to the people who were helping me with everything. It was another level of isolation and imprisonment. I kept thinking it would all be so much easier to bear if I could just grin about my helplessness and foolishness and give a normal human shrug of some sort.
I could talk, of course, though not fluently with minimal lip control.
I've thought a long, long time what I was supposed to learn from all that. I still don't know. Patience, I suppose. Compasssion. My littleness amid it all.
I like the fact that you're communicating a bit of what it's like--details that I wouldn't have thought of. It makes each of us less alone, I think.
MLU,
I too feel imprisoned -- more and more, I cannot express thoughts that are still spinning out of my brain. My mouth has become a stupid instrument. It will no longer say what I am thinking.
As you say, I cannot tell what purpose this serves. But I grow to depend on written words, as my speaking ability is compromised more and more.
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